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Why?
My wife and kids tease me
that the title of this practice is corny - and it is. Still, I like it. If
you don't nourish the things that nourish you, they wither away like
a plant in dry stony ground.
I'm writing this on New Year's Eve. Looking to the year ahead for you - a
year that can begin whenever you want - what's one key thing that will bear
lots of fruit for you if you take care of it?
There is usually one thing - or two or three - that you know in your heart
is a key factor in your well-being, functioning, and how you treat others.
It's often a seemingly small thing in the rush and complexity of a typical
day. It could be getting that 15 minute break each day with a cup of tea
and no interruptions . . . or writing in your journal . . . or feeling grateful
for three blessings in your life before falling asleep . . . or asking your
partner questions about his or her day and really listening . . . or taking
your vitamins or eating protein with every meal . . . or getting home in
time for dinner with the kids unless you're traveling . . . or getting up
an hour earlier each day to start writing that book. It could be finally
now making that shift for which your heart has been longing.
For me, one thing that pops off the page is going to bed early enough to
get enough sleep plus be able to get up in time to meditate. Doing this
sets up my whole day and makes it better.
As you know, most New Year's resolutions are worse than useless: they don't
lead to real change and we feel bad about not sticking to them. But if you
think of this as feeding yourself, being good to yourself, giving yourself
a big wonderful gift each day, nourishing something that will pay off big
for you . . . well, it sure is a lot easier to keep treating yourself well
in this way.
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How?
What's on your own short list
of the things that would make a big difference for you? Perhaps you, too,
would benefit from getting to bed earlier. Or from listening to someone for
five minutes or more each day with no expectations. Or from regular exercise,
meditation, or prayer. Or from dropping one bad habit, or from picking up
that guitar again. Perhaps making art would make a big difference for you,
or staying calm with the kids, or finally beginning to spend a few hours
each week on starting your new business.
Take a moment to imagine the rewards to you and others if you did this one
good thing for yourself tomorrow. How would you feel at the end of the day?
What would be the benefits? And then imagine those benefits coming to you
and others the day after tomorrow . . . and the days and weeks and months
after that.
Of course, all you can do is tend to the causes; you
can't control the results. You can water a fruit tree but you can't make it
give you an apple. But no matter what happens, you know you have tried your
best.
Keep coming back to the feeling of nurturing yourself. It's OK to take care
of yourself in this way. Try to feel the warmth for yourself, the strength
to gently guide your future self - the one who will be doing this one good
thing tomorrow, and the days after that - to keep watering this particular
fruit tree.
And know that you can water more than one tree. But it helps to zero in on
just one or a few things to focus on for a year.
And then a year from now, looking back to this day, you'll likely be
enjoying a beautiful sweet rich harvest!
This comes from Rick Hanson, Ph.D.,
neuropsychologist, New York Times best-selling author, Advisory Board member of
the Greater Good Science Center at UC Berkeley, and invited lecturer at Oxford,
Stanford, and Harvard universities. See Rick's workshops and lectures
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